I am not ____ enough.

Here comes my insecurity again. I've always struggled with it. I'm very insecure when it comes to my artworks. I feel so down when I see other people's great works. I feel like I will never be as good as them. That I'll never be good enough. Some days would comprise of wishing that I was as great as others and beating myself up for not being as great as others... It's becoming a cycle. I make an artwork, I stare at it for a while, then I look at other people's works and just feel so inadequate about my work. I hate it. I want it to stop. I need it to stop. I don't think there's any benefit to it. I know negative thinking has its perks but I want to stop believing in it so much.

I'm just so appalled at how insecure I can get when my Maker created me in His image. I cannot tell you, I do not know where to begin. I cannot fathom God's love for you. For me...For us! He really wants me to believe that I am enough. I am good enough. Thank You so much for giving me this message to meditate on for today. From now on, I will not give in to my enemy (insecurity). I will look at You if ever the enemy comes close. He who empowers me, amazes me, motivates me, loves me, cares for me, and forgives me. I have been equipped by His love and the empowerment of the Holy Spirit to do whatever He called me to do. Therefore the mentality of not being good enough should be eradicated from my life. It will be eradicated. He loves me and knows what's best for me and that's all that matters.

I am enough.

Be satisfied with His love

There are days when I would just basically lie around and do nothing. By nothing I mean watch TV, visit social networking sites, check my e-mail, eat, day dream. A big cut from the pie chart of what I do all day is probably daydreaming. Moments after I wake up, I daydream about what I would do all day. After getting up from bed, I drink 2 glasses of water during which I contemplate about the things I need to do, if not daydream. After that, I eat a banana, then breakfast. Sit around and watch TV for an hour or two. Doze off for a few minutes by daydreaming. Take a shower. Eat lunch, wash the dishes. Check Facebook, Twitter, and my e-mail. Wander around the interwebs for a few minutes. And when it's siesta time, I take a nap for 1-2 hours. When I wake up, I go online again or eat some merienda. Then dinner is served, I take care of the dishes. After dinner, I have the TV and the computer to spend the night with. It's either I catch up on some shows or go online and write in this thing.

It's a routine. A healthy routine that keeps me sane. I guess it helps with my creativity. I once read an article about routines helping squeeze out your creative juice. That's why I love them. One thing I'm trying to make into a routine is being satisfied. The things I imagine when I daydream are often things that I don't have but I want to have. Most of the time, I'd say I'm just a hopeless romantic when I try to imagine relationships with people I find attractive. I imagine meeting famous people and being friends with them or making them fall in love with me. I've had different spouses, lots of children, and tons of riches in these daydreams. It is fun but it is never satisfying. It doesn't satisfy at all. It just makes me long for the materialistic aspects of life which are not that important. What I have to work on now, is being satisfied with His love. His unfailing love. His love that constantly provides me what I need. His love that is everlasting. His love that is overflowing. I know that His love is all I need, but knowing is just the first step. To do more than that, I have to practice it. I want to feel His glory, His grace, His presence. I want to bathe in it. I want to share it, so others can feel it too.

I want to be satisfied with His love. That's the routine I want to have everyday.