YOLO

I'm not one to stay up all night talking with friends, playing card games, singing along to cheesy songs, and smelling their fart. But last night, that's what I did. That's what we did. With barely an hour's worth of sleep, it wasn't rewarding for my body, but the laugh-out-loud moments were worth it. It was supposed to be a thesis-making all nighter but it dissolved to bonding, teasing, sharing, and having fun. After all, this is our last year in college (hopefully, I'm still praying) and no one remembers the night you got enough sleep. YOLO! Or more appropriately, you're only in college once! (Unless, you want to continue studying after you graduate)

It was a spontaneous gathering leading to the conclusion that "yung hindi pinaplano, yun ang natutuloy/what was not planned, usually pushes through" (not sure if the translation is the best, but you get what I mean). I long for more get togethers like that before I graduate. Hopefully, I can squeeze enough of it and still have time for my book illustration project! [On that note, please pray for me. I need strength and motivation to finish this project. Thank you.]

Get togethers like that always make me grateful. For awesome friends, their ability to make me laugh when I'm not really up for it, yummy food for breakfast, songs you can easily sing along to, getting teary-eyed because of laughter, laughing harder because of a funny-sounding laugh, videos that will remind us how fun it is to be young, that generous friend who treated us with some fries, that friend who always pronounces words wrongly, hilarious photos from last night, doing something fun and productive at the same time, and just for being alive to experience all of that. BIG THANKS TO MY CREATOR, WHO IS TRULY AWESOME! :-)

Feel the feelings.

I wish feelings are just meant to be felt. Not explained. I mean, why do you have to explain or understand them? It's a difficult thing to do, to understand and to explain. Why do some people think you have to do it? Saying things like they wish they can explain their feelings. I don't get it.   Why can't you just feel it? 


Last night, I had a conversation with someone about the past. Every time we chat, all conversations seem to lead to it. The past. It's unsettling. It's been 2 years since everything happened and we still talk about it like it was just yesterday. He told me everything. Well, not everything... But I guess, everything I needed to know or everything he wanted me to know. He just decided that it was time to clarify things out. He explained his actions that caused me my very first heartbreak. His explanations lead me to saying that maybe, we weren't meant for each other. Us? Together? Maybe it's just not meant to be. Typing that out made it more real than ever. Tears overflowed after mulling over that statement. That realization broke the dam that was containing the waters of my expectations. I strongly believed that we had a chance. A potential to create something beautiful together. Now, that belief is slowly vanishing, turning to a hope that there's someone else out there that I can create something beautiful with. A conviction that in the end, everything is going to be amazing. In a way, that conversation made me feel refreshed. Refreshed because I finally got the explanation I needed 2 years ago. When I went online that night, I never expected to have a conversation like that. Life is just full of surprises, isn't it? I love it.

Actions explained.
Feelings understood.
It's all good in the hood.

As the philosopher from Ecclesiastes put it, "the end of something is better than its beginning."

Here's to the end of somethings and for better beginnings! To feelings that you don't know how to explain, and feelings that don't need explaining.