A time of fasting

The past month sped by like a cheetah. (lame simile, I know) But that's the best I can come up with right now. Though right now, coming up with similes should be the last thing I'm doing, and yet here I am, writing about it. I should be finishing my illustrations for my final thesis. Instead, here I am...taking a break... One cannot simply work continuously on an illustration, unless you have ADHD. Haha. All jokes aside, I just want to share what I've been up to this past week. Last Sunday, I was overcome by the amount of time I waste on social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter. Yes, I know that John Lennon said that the time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time...but still, you can't help but think of the time that's passed, passing, and will pass. How you can't get any of it back. Sometimes, I find myself on the verge of hating the concept of time... I once saw a picture of a vandalism, "time doesn't exist, clocks do." I can't help but wonder why the person who invented clocks did it... Why was it so important to know the time? The philosopher who wrote the book of Ecclesiastes said it most sensibly:

There is a time for everything,

    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,

a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace.

 It got me thinking... Should I really allot a time for checking Facebook and Twitter? If the philosopher lived during our time, will he add a line saying "a time to tweet and a time to post a status"? It can be a possibility! Especially now when everyone seems to like sharing everything that's going on in their lives, their likes, dislikes, rants and whatnot. So that Sunday, I thought to myself, why are you wasting your time in front of a computer when you can do so much more. That night, I also decided that I will make time away from those networking sites. I unplugged my computer to plug in my heart, to spend some time with the Lord (and also some time with my thesis and in front of the TV). Fasting from Facebook and Twitter may seem like a small task but its effects are tremendous. Come Monday, I have lesser things to procrastinate with. I had more time to work on my thesis and to reflect about some of the problems I have in my life right now. It gave me more time to work on school requirements, to think, to pray, and to get closer to God. Fasting is usually for food but when you go online on Facebook or Twitter everyday like it's a necessity, I think it's something that can be a good start for you in learning how to fast. Fasting is something you do to enable more of your spirit to hear clearly what the Lord is saying to you. It will help you focus more on your relationship with Him. It's already Friday and I haven't logged in on Facebook for four days. I believe I can still go on without that site for a few more days and that's what I plan to do. This post will serve as my commitment to cutting time from social networking sites to give more time for my relationships (with thesis, friends, and most especially, with God). Please pray with me. :)

#TimeToMoveOn

There was a time when my friends and I liked being outside more than staying in front of the TV or the computer. We were so full of energy, always ready to run, jump and play. We knew everyone on our street 'cause we play with them almost every afternoon. A variety of games like patintero, tumbang preso, tagu-taguan, ice ice water, and piko are just some of the choices we have on what to do every time we play outside.We even have a special "code" when calling each other when we wanna play. We'd clap as loud as we can outside our friend's house to get his or her attention, then it's either they let us in their house or they join us outside. We'd play and horse around to our heart's content or until it's dinner time. Sometimes, we'd eat dinner together, at a different house each night. Reminiscing about it so much fun, but it also makes me wonder...

In every day we spent with each other's company, every game we played, every conversations we had, everything between us, there's always been a hope in me that we would be friends forever. We've been friends since our parents' became friends, and right now, I don't think we are anymore. When did it stop? When did we stop clapping? Who gave up first? How can you just stop talking to someone who's known you since you were in kindergarten? Someone who's seen you naked as you played together at the kiddie pool? Someone who knows the names of your pets? Someone who lives right next door? And most importantly, why did that have to happen? People would often answer, "oh, we grew part," but you grew up together! How can you just grow apart like that? Now you treat each other like strangers, you can only call them a friend in Facebook 'cause you don't talk in real life, and you don't even chat on Facebook. You used to have "monito, monita" with them, but now all you exchange are awkward greetings when you pass by each other in the street; not even a tiny chat to check up on each other. I can tell you it's because we attended different schools during high school. Or maybe we made new and better friends. Maybe our schedules just won't let us see each other anymore. Maybe we always had better things to do than clap outside a neighbor's house. But God only knows the real reason why we grew apart. He also knows if we still have a chance at being friends; after all, we were close friends once.

You can cherish the memories from the past. The afternoons you spent together, the games you invented and played, the time you laughed, cried, and sang together. You can keep those memories in your heart. But now's the time to move on. Time to stop dwelling on the past. God is creating new beginnings for you. In fact, you are a brand new creation. A new creation in Christ. He's introducing you to new acquaintances. He's bringing you closer to your friends now. To someone you can talk to every day. To someone who'd know all your pets' names and all your favorite things. To someone you can grow old with and not grow apart from. He brings people in and out of your life for a reason. People change. You change. They grow, and you grow. And when that happens, it's time to move on. :)

“The righteous keep moving forward, and those with clean hands become stronger and stronger.” Job 17:9 (NLT)

Decrease to increase.

Just a while ago, I found out that a couple that I admire broke off their engagement. The level of sadness I felt was as if I was the one who just got un-engaged. I thought, "they're perfect together, how can they just break up like that?!" Then after stalking the guy, (I found out that more people are consoling him since he posted about the breakup on Facebook) I realized that there are times when everything seems perfect, something will happen that can make you think otherwise. A lot of people were posting Bible verses on his page. It's really overwhelming how friends, and even strangers are there for him, posting words of encouragement and support. I'm still trying to let it sink in. A couple that seemed so perfect just broke up and it makes me feel a little less hopeful regarding relationships. 'Cause if something like that can happen to a perfect couple like them...what would happen to other less-than-perfect couples? God's plan. That's what happens. That's exactly what should happen.

When you think that everything's so perfect, everything's going your way. You need to stop thinking. Stop thinking about what you want and start thinking about what He wants. What He wants for you is beyond perfect, beyond what you can imagine. After all, He's our father. And fathers want what's best for their children. Realizing all that is very important for me. 'Cause all too often, I focus on what I want and it always ends with frustration. In every bad situation, we need to keep in our minds and hearts that God is working. Always cheering us on during tough times, we just need to stop and look for His hand, always ready to carry us through. We need to use the bad things that are happening to strengthen our faith. We can use the pain we are feeling to heal other people's wounds. Don't waste the pain.

Broken can be beautiful. Better things are coming. For that couple. For you. For us.
Trust Him.

The magic stays with you, they said.

October 24, 2012.

A Wednesday that dawned without a cloud in a blue blue sky.

I, along with a group of friends, went to a theme park thinking that we would have an awesome time. That perceived awesome time was spent waiting in long long long lines. We spent 2 hours in line for an awesome roller coaster, only for the ride to malfunction just when we were about to get launched into outer space! Talk about wrong timing and bad luck (not that I believe in luck). But still! Getting asked to get off the ride when you didn't even experience it is quite maddening.

After that, we stayed clear of any lines because we couldn't take anymore queuing! Some of us we're cussing out the staff of the theme park for heartlessly shattering the opportunity to experience what would've been an awesome adrenaline rush. I wish they gave us candy for consolation or something. Two hours!! No, it was almost three hours! THREE HOURS OF OUR LIFE. For three hours we anticipated a ride that would blow us away but all we got IS NOTHING. We stood in line for three hours for nothing. It took a while before we got over it. That means we wasted more minutes to cope with the stress? No, it wasn't stress. I don't know what to call it. Disappointment? Misfortune? That's it. I'm going to call it a misfortune.

After that, more misfortunes came. It started to rain really hard. We were ten in the group but only three people had umbrellas, it would've been four but I lost my umbrella in the horror house. We were supposed to play paintball but because of the rain, the field is now muddy and it would be a hassle to play there. The ticket had a stub for a soft drink, and we were all craving for something to drink after waiting for nothing. When we got the drinks, viola!, they gave us a brand of soft drink that tastes like mothballs.

Misfortunes in life are inevitable. You go through it once in a while. And that's the point...you go THROUGH them. You fall down, then you stand up, learn from it, and pick up where you left off, stronger and smarter. I feel that the best response to those misfortunes is faith. We need to trust that a higher power is working behind those misfortunes we are experiencing.  Maybe it rained hard so that some of the park goers would go home. Consequently making the queues shorter so that we can enjoy more rides. We weren't able to ride the roller coaster, maybe because the ride isn't safe for one of us. Maybe because it's not yet the right time for that. Faith may bring an ability to accept the things we cannot change. Faith can help us to move on and to stand in a long line for another ride, with the strong conviction that it will be an awesome ride.

An hour before closing time, we managed to squeeze in 3 rides. That's not bad at all. It brought a sudden rise to our spirits. Indeed, the end of something is better than its beginning. You just gotta have faith.

Feels like I slept all day.

Yup. I feel like I just woke up from a 24-hour sleep. But that's just a feeling. I probably just slept for 14 hours or something. And also, I feel like I wanna sleep now, which is strange because I usually sleep at 3am and it's only 12am. Ha.
So, I'm reading this novel by David Nicholls... I've seen some parts of the movie. I'm telling you, some books are not as fun to read when you've seen some parts of the adapted movie. But I'm still reading it. I don't want to waste such a good book. So far, I'm having fun despite the fact of, you know, seeing some parts of its movie.

SPOILER ALERT. SPOILER ALERT! Do not read if you haven't seen or read the movie or the book and you still want to see or read it.
There's a part in the story where Dex writes an 11-page letter for Em. A love letter that's not really a love letter, asking Em, his best friend to be with him... And guess what, he fails to mail that letter which would've been the start of something so beautiful and right for the two of them. AAH! Dex and Em. Em and Dex. The book probably would end sooner if that letter got sent. That part of the book lead me to thinking of all the "what ifs" and "what could've beens" and the like in my life. It's mind-boggling to think of such things. I think it made me more sentimental than necessary. It's all too bittersweet to take in. I had to write something about it. One is not meant to think of things like that if you're past seems more promising than what you have now. It is the past. Sure, you can keep those wonderful memories, but you can't keep coming back to the past. It's the past. It's past. Get over it! Better things are coming.I'm sure of it. If you don't believe me, just read the 40th verse from Hebrews chapter 11!

This was because God had something better in store for us. And he did not want them to reach the goal of their faith without us.

Whenever you feel like what you have now isn't as good as what you had in the past, just remember that the future is bright. Remember that. God knows it. He has a great plan for you. Plans for you to prosper and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11) 

I would probably write a book review once I finish the novel. That's something to look forward to.

I am not ____ enough.

Here comes my insecurity again. I've always struggled with it. I'm very insecure when it comes to my artworks. I feel so down when I see other people's great works. I feel like I will never be as good as them. That I'll never be good enough. Some days would comprise of wishing that I was as great as others and beating myself up for not being as great as others... It's becoming a cycle. I make an artwork, I stare at it for a while, then I look at other people's works and just feel so inadequate about my work. I hate it. I want it to stop. I need it to stop. I don't think there's any benefit to it. I know negative thinking has its perks but I want to stop believing in it so much.

I'm just so appalled at how insecure I can get when my Maker created me in His image. I cannot tell you, I do not know where to begin. I cannot fathom God's love for you. For me...For us! He really wants me to believe that I am enough. I am good enough. Thank You so much for giving me this message to meditate on for today. From now on, I will not give in to my enemy (insecurity). I will look at You if ever the enemy comes close. He who empowers me, amazes me, motivates me, loves me, cares for me, and forgives me. I have been equipped by His love and the empowerment of the Holy Spirit to do whatever He called me to do. Therefore the mentality of not being good enough should be eradicated from my life. It will be eradicated. He loves me and knows what's best for me and that's all that matters.

I am enough.

Strokes of the day

I've been trying to break the routine of drawing girls.

It's always been a part of me. A comfort zone, you could say.

I've got a secret.

I'm trying to stay away from it.

Hopefully, I can resist.

That feeling of my strokes being too messy.

Is it really a feeling? Or a seeing?

I'm not sure if that's good or bad.

I don't want to think about it.

I do what I do the way I always do it.

If I can change that, would it be nicer? 

Or am I taking away something that's me from them? Like a signature? Like my personality?

I'll be posting more artworks here. 

I hope you appreciate them. :)

You can see my other works in Behance.