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Wednesday, December 30, 2015

2015

The first quarter of the year knocked the wind out of me
Today's the last day of the year and I'm still trying to catch my breath

2015 sped by with a sequence of highs and lows
with a lot of memories to cherish
  moments of celebration
  cries of grief
  missed connections
  tears from laughing
  sighs of relief
  answered prayers
  built walls
  new bridges

I questioned the path I am in
I stepped out of my bubble
I wore different hats
I lost, I gained
I conquered, I failed

This is the year I had to learn 
how to live with loss
how to find magic in the mundane
how to love what's left
how to stay steadfast
how to trust what isn't here yet

Through it all, God remained
beside me, behind me, ahead of me
His love—evident all around me
not bound by time or my feelings
No matter how messed up my life can get
No matter how perfect my life may seem
His love will remain
He is faithful still
So I'm pressing on
Believing for more
More of Him
more of Him

Thursday, December 24, 2015

Christmas mourn

I ushered in Christmas trying to hold back tears. I didn't know grief can be strongly felt during a season of joy. My heart is grateful for that feeling of togetherness, the good food, gifts, stories and laughter exchanged—yet my heart is also breaking—because this is the first one we will celebrate without the only grandfather I grew up with. I wonder if God also felt grief when He had to let go of His Son for our undeserving sake. I wonder if Jesus mourned the loss of a glorious throne in heaven when He came down to be born in a manger. I wonder if the reason why God is close to the brokenhearted is because He knows what loss feels like. There are a lot of things that I don't know... But one thing we can hold on to is the truth that it didn't end in death—Jesus overcame the grave. There was glory waiting for Him after all the agony of the cross. I don't know if I'll ever get used to Amapo's absence during special days with our family, but I know I'll see him again one day. I'm not sure when mourning will end, but I know that if we keep pressing on, mourning will eventually turn into merry.



Wednesday, December 23, 2015

#ParaSaMgaNaMissColombia

Para sa mga pinanghawakan na makukuha nila ang matagal na nilang hinahangad at pinagdadasal
Para sa mga nagdiwang na dahil sa paniniwalang sa 'yo na ang korona at karangalan
Para sa mga nag-akalang nanalo ka pero pagkakamali pala
Para sa mga umasa at nasaktan
'Wag kang makalimot...
Alalahanin mo...
May Haring bumaba sa Kanyang trono para sa 'yo
May Diyos na nagpakatao para maranasan ang mga pinagdadaanan mo
Sa Kanya napunta ang korona ng tinik na dapat ay sa 'yo
Kaya okay lang, okay lang 'yan...
Masakit pero kayanin mo
Hindi mo naman kailangan ang korona ng kalawakang ito
Dahil para sa lumikha nito, ikaw ang mahalaga
Hindi lang mahalaga...
Mahal
Mahal ka Niya
Mahal na mahal.

Friday, December 18, 2015

Time

I spent time away from writing here
It's been a while
But I never stopped writing
I wrote on other blogs
I wrote on journals
I wrote on scratch papers
I wrote
To my soul's content
But there are days
Days when my hands won't write or type
When my mind can't form the words
that my heart wants to pour out
So I just stopped thinking altogether
Letting the feelings pass
Letting my thoughts dissolve
Letting time drift away
Where do they go?
Where does my time go?
Scrolling endlessly
doodling gibberish
spacing out
Where does time go?
Are you in the hands of a clock?
Are you in the battery of a watch?
Are you in the columns and rows of a calendar?
How can we grasp time?
It is passing
It is going
Every second, every minute, every day
Once it's gone
It's gone for good
A few weeks ago, I got to hear Pastor Mike give a Word about time 
The Greeks had two words for time
Kronos and kairos
Two words for time
Kronos, from which our word chronology came from,
is the time of calendars and clocks
The numbers in the seconds, minutes, hours, days, months, years
Time that can be measured
Kairos, on the other hand, means the right and opportune moment
Seasons of love and loss, joy and sorrow, giving and receiving
Time neither bound by numbers nor our concept of time
Moments that cuts through the monotony of our kronos
Moments when God gives you a glimpse of Himself—of heaven here on earth
Like that time when you saw your father wipe a tear from his laughing eyes after your brother won first place in an art competition
The time when your mother walked into your room, pizza box in hand, as you lay in bed crying over a boy
The time when you had a long night at work and a stranger gave up his bus seat for you
The time when you got to praise and worship with your familywith tears in your eyes and grief in your heart
The time when your sinful heartbroken and shatteredencountered grace and let Jesus in
These are moments that happened at just the right time
Revel in them
Sink yourself in them
Don't miss what God is doing in your life
at this moment
in time

"With God, one day is as good as a thousand years, a thousand years as a day. God isn’t late with his promise as some measure lateness." (from 2 Peter 3:8-9, The Message)

"Hour by hour I place my days in your hand..." (from Psalm 31:14-18, The Message)