A time of fasting

The past month sped by like a cheetah. (lame simile, I know) But that's the best I can come up with right now. Though right now, coming up with similes should be the last thing I'm doing, and yet here I am, writing about it. I should be finishing my illustrations for my final thesis. Instead, here I am...taking a break... One cannot simply work continuously on an illustration, unless you have ADHD. Haha. All jokes aside, I just want to share what I've been up to this past week. Last Sunday, I was overcome by the amount of time I waste on social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter. Yes, I know that John Lennon said that the time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time...but still, you can't help but think of the time that's passed, passing, and will pass. How you can't get any of it back. Sometimes, I find myself on the verge of hating the concept of time... I once saw a picture of a vandalism, "time doesn't exist, clocks do." I can't help but wonder why the person who invented clocks did it... Why was it so important to know the time? The philosopher who wrote the book of Ecclesiastes said it most sensibly:

There is a time for everything,

    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,

a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace.

 It got me thinking... Should I really allot a time for checking Facebook and Twitter? If the philosopher lived during our time, will he add a line saying "a time to tweet and a time to post a status"? It can be a possibility! Especially now when everyone seems to like sharing everything that's going on in their lives, their likes, dislikes, rants and whatnot. So that Sunday, I thought to myself, why are you wasting your time in front of a computer when you can do so much more. That night, I also decided that I will make time away from those networking sites. I unplugged my computer to plug in my heart, to spend some time with the Lord (and also some time with my thesis and in front of the TV). Fasting from Facebook and Twitter may seem like a small task but its effects are tremendous. Come Monday, I have lesser things to procrastinate with. I had more time to work on my thesis and to reflect about some of the problems I have in my life right now. It gave me more time to work on school requirements, to think, to pray, and to get closer to God. Fasting is usually for food but when you go online on Facebook or Twitter everyday like it's a necessity, I think it's something that can be a good start for you in learning how to fast. Fasting is something you do to enable more of your spirit to hear clearly what the Lord is saying to you. It will help you focus more on your relationship with Him. It's already Friday and I haven't logged in on Facebook for four days. I believe I can still go on without that site for a few more days and that's what I plan to do. This post will serve as my commitment to cutting time from social networking sites to give more time for my relationships (with thesis, friends, and most especially, with God). Please pray with me. :)

#TimeToMoveOn

There was a time when my friends and I liked being outside more than staying in front of the TV or the computer. We were so full of energy, always ready to run, jump and play. We knew everyone on our street 'cause we play with them almost every afternoon. A variety of games like patintero, tumbang preso, tagu-taguan, ice ice water, and piko are just some of the choices we have on what to do every time we play outside.We even have a special "code" when calling each other when we wanna play. We'd clap as loud as we can outside our friend's house to get his or her attention, then it's either they let us in their house or they join us outside. We'd play and horse around to our heart's content or until it's dinner time. Sometimes, we'd eat dinner together, at a different house each night. Reminiscing about it so much fun, but it also makes me wonder...

In every day we spent with each other's company, every game we played, every conversations we had, everything between us, there's always been a hope in me that we would be friends forever. We've been friends since our parents' became friends, and right now, I don't think we are anymore. When did it stop? When did we stop clapping? Who gave up first? How can you just stop talking to someone who's known you since you were in kindergarten? Someone who's seen you naked as you played together at the kiddie pool? Someone who knows the names of your pets? Someone who lives right next door? And most importantly, why did that have to happen? People would often answer, "oh, we grew part," but you grew up together! How can you just grow apart like that? Now you treat each other like strangers, you can only call them a friend in Facebook 'cause you don't talk in real life, and you don't even chat on Facebook. You used to have "monito, monita" with them, but now all you exchange are awkward greetings when you pass by each other in the street; not even a tiny chat to check up on each other. I can tell you it's because we attended different schools during high school. Or maybe we made new and better friends. Maybe our schedules just won't let us see each other anymore. Maybe we always had better things to do than clap outside a neighbor's house. But God only knows the real reason why we grew apart. He also knows if we still have a chance at being friends; after all, we were close friends once.

You can cherish the memories from the past. The afternoons you spent together, the games you invented and played, the time you laughed, cried, and sang together. You can keep those memories in your heart. But now's the time to move on. Time to stop dwelling on the past. God is creating new beginnings for you. In fact, you are a brand new creation. A new creation in Christ. He's introducing you to new acquaintances. He's bringing you closer to your friends now. To someone you can talk to every day. To someone who'd know all your pets' names and all your favorite things. To someone you can grow old with and not grow apart from. He brings people in and out of your life for a reason. People change. You change. They grow, and you grow. And when that happens, it's time to move on. :)

“The righteous keep moving forward, and those with clean hands become stronger and stronger.” Job 17:9 (NLT)

Decrease to increase.

Just a while ago, I found out that a couple that I admire broke off their engagement. The level of sadness I felt was as if I was the one who just got un-engaged. I thought, "they're perfect together, how can they just break up like that?!" Then after stalking the guy, (I found out that more people are consoling him since he posted about the breakup on Facebook) I realized that there are times when everything seems perfect, something will happen that can make you think otherwise. A lot of people were posting Bible verses on his page. It's really overwhelming how friends, and even strangers are there for him, posting words of encouragement and support. I'm still trying to let it sink in. A couple that seemed so perfect just broke up and it makes me feel a little less hopeful regarding relationships. 'Cause if something like that can happen to a perfect couple like them...what would happen to other less-than-perfect couples? God's plan. That's what happens. That's exactly what should happen.

When you think that everything's so perfect, everything's going your way. You need to stop thinking. Stop thinking about what you want and start thinking about what He wants. What He wants for you is beyond perfect, beyond what you can imagine. After all, He's our father. And fathers want what's best for their children. Realizing all that is very important for me. 'Cause all too often, I focus on what I want and it always ends with frustration. In every bad situation, we need to keep in our minds and hearts that God is working. Always cheering us on during tough times, we just need to stop and look for His hand, always ready to carry us through. We need to use the bad things that are happening to strengthen our faith. We can use the pain we are feeling to heal other people's wounds. Don't waste the pain.

Broken can be beautiful. Better things are coming. For that couple. For you. For us.
Trust Him.

The magic stays with you, they said.

October 24, 2012.

A Wednesday that dawned without a cloud in a blue blue sky.

I, along with a group of friends, went to a theme park thinking that we would have an awesome time. That perceived awesome time was spent waiting in long long long lines. We spent 2 hours in line for an awesome roller coaster, only for the ride to malfunction just when we were about to get launched into outer space! Talk about wrong timing and bad luck (not that I believe in luck). But still! Getting asked to get off the ride when you didn't even experience it is quite maddening.

After that, we stayed clear of any lines because we couldn't take anymore queuing! Some of us we're cussing out the staff of the theme park for heartlessly shattering the opportunity to experience what would've been an awesome adrenaline rush. I wish they gave us candy for consolation or something. Two hours!! No, it was almost three hours! THREE HOURS OF OUR LIFE. For three hours we anticipated a ride that would blow us away but all we got IS NOTHING. We stood in line for three hours for nothing. It took a while before we got over it. That means we wasted more minutes to cope with the stress? No, it wasn't stress. I don't know what to call it. Disappointment? Misfortune? That's it. I'm going to call it a misfortune.

After that, more misfortunes came. It started to rain really hard. We were ten in the group but only three people had umbrellas, it would've been four but I lost my umbrella in the horror house. We were supposed to play paintball but because of the rain, the field is now muddy and it would be a hassle to play there. The ticket had a stub for a soft drink, and we were all craving for something to drink after waiting for nothing. When we got the drinks, viola!, they gave us a brand of soft drink that tastes like mothballs.

Misfortunes in life are inevitable. You go through it once in a while. And that's the point...you go THROUGH them. You fall down, then you stand up, learn from it, and pick up where you left off, stronger and smarter. I feel that the best response to those misfortunes is faith. We need to trust that a higher power is working behind those misfortunes we are experiencing.  Maybe it rained hard so that some of the park goers would go home. Consequently making the queues shorter so that we can enjoy more rides. We weren't able to ride the roller coaster, maybe because the ride isn't safe for one of us. Maybe because it's not yet the right time for that. Faith may bring an ability to accept the things we cannot change. Faith can help us to move on and to stand in a long line for another ride, with the strong conviction that it will be an awesome ride.

An hour before closing time, we managed to squeeze in 3 rides. That's not bad at all. It brought a sudden rise to our spirits. Indeed, the end of something is better than its beginning. You just gotta have faith.

Feels like I slept all day.

Yup. I feel like I just woke up from a 24-hour sleep. But that's just a feeling. I probably just slept for 14 hours or something. And also, I feel like I wanna sleep now, which is strange because I usually sleep at 3am and it's only 12am. Ha.
So, I'm reading this novel by David Nicholls... I've seen some parts of the movie. I'm telling you, some books are not as fun to read when you've seen some parts of the adapted movie. But I'm still reading it. I don't want to waste such a good book. So far, I'm having fun despite the fact of, you know, seeing some parts of its movie.

SPOILER ALERT. SPOILER ALERT! Do not read if you haven't seen or read the movie or the book and you still want to see or read it.
There's a part in the story where Dex writes an 11-page letter for Em. A love letter that's not really a love letter, asking Em, his best friend to be with him... And guess what, he fails to mail that letter which would've been the start of something so beautiful and right for the two of them. AAH! Dex and Em. Em and Dex. The book probably would end sooner if that letter got sent. That part of the book lead me to thinking of all the "what ifs" and "what could've beens" and the like in my life. It's mind-boggling to think of such things. I think it made me more sentimental than necessary. It's all too bittersweet to take in. I had to write something about it. One is not meant to think of things like that if you're past seems more promising than what you have now. It is the past. Sure, you can keep those wonderful memories, but you can't keep coming back to the past. It's the past. It's past. Get over it! Better things are coming.I'm sure of it. If you don't believe me, just read the 40th verse from Hebrews chapter 11!

This was because God had something better in store for us. And he did not want them to reach the goal of their faith without us.

Whenever you feel like what you have now isn't as good as what you had in the past, just remember that the future is bright. Remember that. God knows it. He has a great plan for you. Plans for you to prosper and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11) 

I would probably write a book review once I finish the novel. That's something to look forward to.

I am not ____ enough.

Here comes my insecurity again. I've always struggled with it. I'm very insecure when it comes to my artworks. I feel so down when I see other people's great works. I feel like I will never be as good as them. That I'll never be good enough. Some days would comprise of wishing that I was as great as others and beating myself up for not being as great as others... It's becoming a cycle. I make an artwork, I stare at it for a while, then I look at other people's works and just feel so inadequate about my work. I hate it. I want it to stop. I need it to stop. I don't think there's any benefit to it. I know negative thinking has its perks but I want to stop believing in it so much.

I'm just so appalled at how insecure I can get when my Maker created me in His image. I cannot tell you, I do not know where to begin. I cannot fathom God's love for you. For me...For us! He really wants me to believe that I am enough. I am good enough. Thank You so much for giving me this message to meditate on for today. From now on, I will not give in to my enemy (insecurity). I will look at You if ever the enemy comes close. He who empowers me, amazes me, motivates me, loves me, cares for me, and forgives me. I have been equipped by His love and the empowerment of the Holy Spirit to do whatever He called me to do. Therefore the mentality of not being good enough should be eradicated from my life. It will be eradicated. He loves me and knows what's best for me and that's all that matters.

I am enough.

Strokes of the day

I've been trying to break the routine of drawing girls.

It's always been a part of me. A comfort zone, you could say.

I've got a secret.

I'm trying to stay away from it.

Hopefully, I can resist.

That feeling of my strokes being too messy.

Is it really a feeling? Or a seeing?

I'm not sure if that's good or bad.

I don't want to think about it.

I do what I do the way I always do it.

If I can change that, would it be nicer? 

Or am I taking away something that's me from them? Like a signature? Like my personality?

I'll be posting more artworks here. 

I hope you appreciate them. :)

You can see my other works in Behance.

It's only love?!

I stumbled upon Matt Cardle's single, It's Only Love. What an outrage it has caused inside me. You don't say it's only love! You don't say that love won't carry you, hold you, save you or see you through! I hate the lyrics of that song. Love is everything. God is love. He is everything. He will carry you, hold you, save you, and see you through. So you don't say it's only love... You say: it's all about love, it's all for love, it's all because of love. Because love is everything.
God is supreme, all-powerful, wonderful, He knows you and He loves you. Don't ever forget that.

Memoirs of a Teenage Amnesiac

October 9, 2012

The book was courtesy of a friend who likes to underline or book mark the parts of the book that she liked. I think should do that too. Haha

It was the last book I read and I'd like to share my thoughts about it before I forget them. ;) ;)

The story is narrated by Naomi, the teenage amnesiac. She forgot 4 years of her life when she "tripped/fell" down the stairs of Tom Purdue, her high school. Along with those years, she also forgot her best friend, Will and the reason why he calls her "Chief," her popular tennis player boyfriend, Ace, her parent's divorce, her mother's new family, his Dad's fiancé, even her skills in driving. Then she also meets James, "the boy with the questionable past and the even fuzzier future" (that's what was written at the back of the book).

I don't know why but I really liked the book. Or maybe I know why and I'm just not ready to tell you yet. Or maybe you'll know why after reading this book review. Sometimes, I feel like I can relate to Naomi, but I can't pinpoint which parts I can relate to. Weird, I know. I'm not sure if it's just me or it has something to do with Gabrielle Zevin's way of writing. It felt like I can feel what Naomi was feeling. In a way, sort of, I guess. Reading that novel made me realize that I don't completely imagine the face of the characters. I just imagine a face when needed, e.g. when the character is crying or smiling, or when their face is being described. Weird, I know. I guess I just imagine them as a whole person; I imagine the personality, not the physical appearance. Wow! (Sudden realization!) I should really apply that in the real world, seeing what's inside, what's significant; instead of outside appearance. Seeing or looking? Should one look for what's inside or see what's inside? Hmm. So many thoughts to ponder... Okay, now back to the book. I really liked Will, Naomi's best friend. He's just so...passionate, and geeky. He's a very likable character. He inspired me to make my own mixes for every important event in my life or maybe for a friend?

"Too much to say with none of the right words to say it. I'd rather just pick the perfect song to do the work for me."

That's what Will said about making mixes. Maybe in the near future, I'll be posting mixes in this sweet blog o'mine. Okay, so at the beginning of the third/second paragraph, I told you I'm not sure why I can relate to Naomi, but I think I know now... I think it's because the book was written in the first person which makes it easy to feel, think, or even act like the character. That's pretty amazing, isn't it? Another realization. I'm realizing a lot of things as I write. That's pretty amazing for me. BACK TO THE BOOK! Another thing I liked about it are the songs/mixes within the book. The mixes that Will made for Naomi so that she might remember some of the things she forgot. Music can have that effect on you... There's this song...every time I hear it, I remember the first time I watched it on MTV - the moment, the feeling, the weather that day, the arrangement of the furniture in the room, everything (sort of). The things that you don't normally remember unless you're subjected to the song. Kinda like nostalgia, I guess? Hahaha. I'm rambling now.

I highly recommend that you read the book. You'll not only enjoy Zevin's "sensitive, joyful...heart-bruising love story;" you'll also get acquainted with songs that you might like or even love...or not.

Here's a fun photo of the book (those stars and flowers are meant to encourage you to read the book. I hope it works)

For the love of school and food

Creativities made a video blog about three restaurants in Dapitan-UST area. Watch as we review these awesome places and feast your eyes on the sumptuous meals that we tried! :)

We really enjoyed making the video and I hope you enjoy it too! I highly encourage you to go on a food trip with your friends especially during stressful times. Eating good food is a great way to de-stress.

Also, watch out for our next episode as we take you on a food trip in P. Noval street!

Two Saturdays in One

Manix Abrera - the genius behind Kiko Machine Komix

exhibitors in THE Clothing

The official poster for the festival

Me with MALL's works :)

Me and @RosyBleu

Me with some artworks at Pen Pen's

Last Saturday (September 30, 2012), I attended the first Bloom Arts Festival in Cubao X. 70+ artists contributed their blood, sweat, and tears (figuratively, I hope). Artworks were displayed in selected shops and restaurants in Cubao's art haven. There were also special merchandise around for everyone, Bookay-Ukay, Designers of Asia, Moonleaf and others set up booths to sell their products. Some artists were also selling prints of their artworks, some were giving away stickers. A raffle promo was held during the event where lucky attendees won prints and artworks from some artists who exhibited their work. I got to meet artists whose works serve as an inspiration for me, like Tokwa Peñaflorida and Manix Abrera. I got to tell them how much of a fan I am. Haha! I love doing that - fangirling. I feel when someone has a positive effect on you, you have to tell them to pass on the good vibes all around. Quoting what a newspaper article said about the event, "art blooms all over Cubao X." It was a great event for artists and art enthusiasts. I felt great about the art scene here, it just goes to show that we have a ton of talented artists here in our country. I hope art will bloom even more 'cause I've always believed that art can make our country, if not the world, a better place. I hope they make it an annual event so that more artists can be showcased and the art scene here in the Philippines can grow into a big beautiful garden!

The awesome stage setup

The view from our seats!

Last night (October 6, 2012) was the first ever concert I attended in Araneta Coliseum! And it couldn't be better to have Foster the People be the first band that I watch live in that arena. I can't remember the name of the opening act but they sure got me pumped up for Mark Foster's wild dancing, beautiful singing, and his band mates' wonderful playing. The first song they played was Miss You. I can't get over Mark's electrified dancing while playing the piano, it's like some wild spirit has taken over his body. I love it. I keep looking back on that moment because I really felt his passion for what he's doing. FOSTER THE PEOPLE IS SO MUCH BETTER LIVE. The songs come alive with more personality than the recordings. And you have to see the band dance! They are truly passionate and you have to watch them live to see and feel that. During that concert, I released the stress I was feeling regarding school, and my insecurities. I head banged, jumped, danced, and sang my way out of those negative feelings and it worked!! Big thanks to Midas Promotions and Dayly Entertainment for bringing the band here in Manila, and especially to Foster the People for giving me an awesome first concert! And bigger thanks to God for the blessings, for being the motivation and for giving me the strength in finishing schoolwork so I can attend the concert. I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW AWESOME OUR GOD IS! You just have to experience that for yourself, and I pray that you will. :)

Little texts

littletexts.tumblr.com
- a blog dedicated to the words that we all love. From books, from movies, from songs, and even your own personal writings!

I love to read, and during my reading session in that blog here are some of my favorites/texts that struck a chord in me/the ones I can relate to/the ones I wish I had written/what I feel right now/what I want to get through my thick head

I love you, and you'll never catch up because I've gotten a headstart and my heart is racing at lightspeed.

How long am I going to beat my head against the wall, getting all excited, getting my hopes up every time he looks at me? I'm like a bad joke. I get stepped on, I come back for more. I get shoved aside, I come back again. What the hell am I doing waiting for him? I have to get it through my think head that it's just not going to happen.

 The past beats inside me like a second heart.

Do you know what it's like to be turned inside out in every way you can be and have the worst parts of yourself exposed to anyone who happens to be looking? Maybe you do - after all, it happens to us a little bit all the time. I guess lots of people would look at you and run. But to have someone who won't run - someone who won't use your shame against you - that takes someone special.

CARSEM

    Something positive can come out of negative thinking. I've experienced it. All day and all night, all I thought about was the possible criticisms that my illustration will get from my thesis adviser. But after submitting my artwork, I only got one negative feedback! I was so creatively thinking up the negative comments that my adviser will be telling me. I was ready to face the harsh truth that I have to do the illustration over. After all the negative thinking, I was pleasantly surprised by how opposite things turned out. I feel like that was a healthy paranoia. Which reminds me of what transpired in a seminar today. 

  Today, we had our career seminar. It's a talk for graduating students. There were several speakers for every department in our college. As for the Advertising Department, we had the pleasure of listening to Rizza Garcia and Dennis Nierra's insights and advice regarding the advertising industry, our passion, the battle we are currently facing a.k.a. thesis, and many more. I really liked the advice and the tips they gave us for every possible stage in our advertising life.

   Rizza approached it like a child would do, with doodles and handwritten words in her presentation, she presented the perks of being an art director. With funny lines like, "makikilala mo ang pinakapoging lalaki sa balat ng langit at lupa" and "gusto ko lang magdrawing (kahit di ako magaling magdrawing)." She shared the projects she's worked on in the past 2 years of her job as an art director for a famous ad agency. She told us the story on how she found her passion and she gave us a great advice for our own passions: keep the dream alive. And that's what I plan to do!

   On the other hand, Dennis approached it like a game. Starting his presentation with a question: WHAT IF? What if we can go through life like it's just a game? Go to school like we're on a race? Answer an exam with limited life? Then, he gave us an overview of the current and future stages that we might face as an advertising student. Right now, I'm on Stage 19: Thesis boss battle. BOSS BATTLE! For each stage, he gave us advice on how to fight every boss villains. Haha! And my favorite tip from him is probably what I've mentioned on the first paragraph of this post: Have healthy paranoia.

  Before the two aforementioned speakers gave us their talk, a guidance councilor from another college, Ms. Stephanie Lu, also gave us advice for the period after our graduation: applying for jobs, looking for employers, preparing for interviews, etc. And she gave us the sweetest message that day: "you are a masterpiece." So are you! You are God's masterpiece. Use what He gave You to glorify Him and to help others live a better life. :) 

Blurred Vision

Sometimes, life goes by so fast it becomes a blur. I was once subjected to the question, "what's your biggest fear?" And I had to answer using any Queen song. I googled their songs and found a list. In that list, the song that seem to be most apt for me regarding the question is "Blurred Vision," both literally and figuratively.

I have a 20-20 eyesight and I don't want to have to wear glasses. I love reading and surfing the internet. It's such a petty thing, I know. Figuratively, I don't want to loose sight of God's plan for me.  I admit, I often stumble as I go my way towards what He (hopefully) wants for me. Right now, I'm still not sure, but as I write this, I  believe I'm one step closer. From time to time, I try to reflect about what has happened in my life, how things from the past affected where I am now, and how can my actions today can affect my future. It's the pebble in the water effect, or the butterfly effect. As Newton would put it, every action has an equal and opposite reaction. I'm truly grateful for everything that's happened in my life so far. All the ups and downs, everything made me closer to God. And that makes me feel like my vision isn't blurred at all. Regarding what I'm doing now, I'm having slight problems. I'm always "pinanghihinaan ng loob" regarding my book illustration project. I'm having a hard time taking criticism and putting it to good use. I just want to get it over with. I know, with God, I can do it. I hope with the hard work and dedication I put in making my thesis, everything will be okay and I'll have clearer vision of what lies ahead. Stumbling and getting up is just part of it all, and I plan to embrace that fact. 

YOLO

I'm not one to stay up all night talking with friends, playing card games, singing along to cheesy songs, and smelling their fart. But last night, that's what I did. That's what we did. With barely an hour's worth of sleep, it wasn't rewarding for my body, but the laugh-out-loud moments were worth it. It was supposed to be a thesis-making all nighter but it dissolved to bonding, teasing, sharing, and having fun. After all, this is our last year in college (hopefully, I'm still praying) and no one remembers the night you got enough sleep. YOLO! Or more appropriately, you're only in college once! (Unless, you want to continue studying after you graduate)

It was a spontaneous gathering leading to the conclusion that "yung hindi pinaplano, yun ang natutuloy/what was not planned, usually pushes through" (not sure if the translation is the best, but you get what I mean). I long for more get togethers like that before I graduate. Hopefully, I can squeeze enough of it and still have time for my book illustration project! [On that note, please pray for me. I need strength and motivation to finish this project. Thank you.]

Get togethers like that always make me grateful. For awesome friends, their ability to make me laugh when I'm not really up for it, yummy food for breakfast, songs you can easily sing along to, getting teary-eyed because of laughter, laughing harder because of a funny-sounding laugh, videos that will remind us how fun it is to be young, that generous friend who treated us with some fries, that friend who always pronounces words wrongly, hilarious photos from last night, doing something fun and productive at the same time, and just for being alive to experience all of that. BIG THANKS TO MY CREATOR, WHO IS TRULY AWESOME! :-)

Be satisfied with His love

There are days when I would just basically lie around and do nothing. By nothing I mean watch TV, visit social networking sites, check my e-mail, eat, day dream. A big cut from the pie chart of what I do all day is probably daydreaming. Moments after I wake up, I daydream about what I would do all day. After getting up from bed, I drink 2 glasses of water during which I contemplate about the things I need to do, if not daydream. After that, I eat a banana, then breakfast. Sit around and watch TV for an hour or two. Doze off for a few minutes by daydreaming. Take a shower. Eat lunch, wash the dishes. Check Facebook, Twitter, and my e-mail. Wander around the interwebs for a few minutes. And when it's siesta time, I take a nap for 1-2 hours. When I wake up, I go online again or eat some merienda. Then dinner is served, I take care of the dishes. After dinner, I have the TV and the computer to spend the night with. It's either I catch up on some shows or go online and write in this thing.

It's a routine. A healthy routine that keeps me sane. I guess it helps with my creativity. I once read an article about routines helping squeeze out your creative juice. That's why I love them. One thing I'm trying to make into a routine is being satisfied. The things I imagine when I daydream are often things that I don't have but I want to have. Most of the time, I'd say I'm just a hopeless romantic when I try to imagine relationships with people I find attractive. I imagine meeting famous people and being friends with them or making them fall in love with me. I've had different spouses, lots of children, and tons of riches in these daydreams. It is fun but it is never satisfying. It doesn't satisfy at all. It just makes me long for the materialistic aspects of life which are not that important. What I have to work on now, is being satisfied with His love. His unfailing love. His love that constantly provides me what I need. His love that is everlasting. His love that is overflowing. I know that His love is all I need, but knowing is just the first step. To do more than that, I have to practice it. I want to feel His glory, His grace, His presence. I want to bathe in it. I want to share it, so others can feel it too.

I want to be satisfied with His love. That's the routine I want to have everyday.

Beauty of risks

I'm about to take a risk regarding my final thesis by changing the main message of my study. Firstly, my study is about a book illustration for the poem, Some Women by Bunny Ty. The poem is about some women's vanity, hence the title. It contains lines about beautification practices of women and lines about underlying actions regarding those practices. The main focus of the study is the exploration of my chosen method which is collage.

Last Thursday, a friend and I went to Bates(an ad agency where I interned last summer), to get some tips and advice from the art directors and designers regarding our thesis. What I thought would be just a simple interview led to a profound realization that the message of the study I'm currently working on is not socially relevant. It may seem relevant for me, since it will benefit me as an artist, but it seems that it doesn't have any significance for our society. The art director I consulted with briefly read the overview of my study, and gave me the advice that I need: to think of a stronger message other than promoting the method of my choice.

Right now, I'm researching more into the market's perception of Filipina beauty. Some say it's our simplicity, others say it's our tanned skin, some would mention our caring personality. But then it all comes down to what would my interpretation be. After all, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.
What is Filipina beauty for me, what is my idea of beauty, what is it that I want to convey in my illustrations? I need to answer these questions as soon as I can so that I can move forward with my study. All I can do now is to look for inspiration, to gather the right information, and to hope that this risk I'm about to take will be worth it in the end.

A question to ponder: what is your idea of (Filipina) beauty?

Feel the feelings.

I wish feelings are just meant to be felt. Not explained. I mean, why do you have to explain or understand them? It's a difficult thing to do, to understand and to explain. Why do some people think you have to do it? Saying things like they wish they can explain their feelings. I don't get it.   Why can't you just feel it? 


Last night, I had a conversation with someone about the past. Every time we chat, all conversations seem to lead to it. The past. It's unsettling. It's been 2 years since everything happened and we still talk about it like it was just yesterday. He told me everything. Well, not everything... But I guess, everything I needed to know or everything he wanted me to know. He just decided that it was time to clarify things out. He explained his actions that caused me my very first heartbreak. His explanations lead me to saying that maybe, we weren't meant for each other. Us? Together? Maybe it's just not meant to be. Typing that out made it more real than ever. Tears overflowed after mulling over that statement. That realization broke the dam that was containing the waters of my expectations. I strongly believed that we had a chance. A potential to create something beautiful together. Now, that belief is slowly vanishing, turning to a hope that there's someone else out there that I can create something beautiful with. A conviction that in the end, everything is going to be amazing. In a way, that conversation made me feel refreshed. Refreshed because I finally got the explanation I needed 2 years ago. When I went online that night, I never expected to have a conversation like that. Life is just full of surprises, isn't it? I love it.

Actions explained.
Feelings understood.
It's all good in the hood.

As the philosopher from Ecclesiastes put it, "the end of something is better than its beginning."

Here's to the end of somethings and for better beginnings! To feelings that you don't know how to explain, and feelings that don't need explaining.