Overcoming the overwhelming.

Anything I can do in my life, I can do because You love me.

A line I remembered from watching American Horror Story - Asylum. A line that I can quickly relate to my situation right now. Having been employed recently, I've been going through some ups and downs with work. There are times when I get stressed because I do not know how to do my job well. I just wanna make Him proud with every task given to me. Some days, I can't help but feel that I'm not good enough for my job. That I'm failing my bosses and the one true Boss in my life. And then I remember... It's not about me or about what I do... It's about what He's done. What He's given me. His overflowing, unfailing, and amazing grace that I don't deserve. He was there. Always looking, always smiling down on me..

When I was there in room 702, during my thesis presentation.
When I marched at the Quadrecentennial Pavillion.
When I waved at the audience as I receive my award.
When I went home and I was welcomed with congratulatory smiles and handshakes and hugs.
When I went to that job interview.
When I got hired on the spot.
When I had my 'last' vacation of bumming.
When I was on my way to a shoot for my first day at work.
When I got overwhelmed with the workload.
When I napped on the bus on the way home.

Every day, every moment of my life. He's always with me. I am never alone. I can do anything as long as I remain in Him. I can't do it on my own. But He can do it through me.

“We do not belong to those who shrink back and are destroyed, but to those who have faith and are saved.” (Hebrews 10:39) 

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Another thing I've been praying about is someone... Someone very dear to me. He broke my heart some years ago but I gave him a second chance. A second chance to start anew. To start over again. I have faith in him. In us. But we have to wait. 'Til I let go of my insecurities brought on by previous heartbreak. 'Til we've completely surrendered our desires to God. I don't want to rush things. Love is waiting. I am holding on to his promise to wait for me, even if it hurts to wait... Foremost, I am holding on to His promise of amazing things to come.

I will always be praying for him, for us.. 
Great things come for those who wait on the Lord. Take heart and be courageous.

Be satisfied with His love

There are days when I would just basically lie around and do nothing. By nothing I mean watch TV, visit social networking sites, check my e-mail, eat, day dream. A big cut from the pie chart of what I do all day is probably daydreaming. Moments after I wake up, I daydream about what I would do all day. After getting up from bed, I drink 2 glasses of water during which I contemplate about the things I need to do, if not daydream. After that, I eat a banana, then breakfast. Sit around and watch TV for an hour or two. Doze off for a few minutes by daydreaming. Take a shower. Eat lunch, wash the dishes. Check Facebook, Twitter, and my e-mail. Wander around the interwebs for a few minutes. And when it's siesta time, I take a nap for 1-2 hours. When I wake up, I go online again or eat some merienda. Then dinner is served, I take care of the dishes. After dinner, I have the TV and the computer to spend the night with. It's either I catch up on some shows or go online and write in this thing.

It's a routine. A healthy routine that keeps me sane. I guess it helps with my creativity. I once read an article about routines helping squeeze out your creative juice. That's why I love them. One thing I'm trying to make into a routine is being satisfied. The things I imagine when I daydream are often things that I don't have but I want to have. Most of the time, I'd say I'm just a hopeless romantic when I try to imagine relationships with people I find attractive. I imagine meeting famous people and being friends with them or making them fall in love with me. I've had different spouses, lots of children, and tons of riches in these daydreams. It is fun but it is never satisfying. It doesn't satisfy at all. It just makes me long for the materialistic aspects of life which are not that important. What I have to work on now, is being satisfied with His love. His unfailing love. His love that constantly provides me what I need. His love that is everlasting. His love that is overflowing. I know that His love is all I need, but knowing is just the first step. To do more than that, I have to practice it. I want to feel His glory, His grace, His presence. I want to bathe in it. I want to share it, so others can feel it too.

I want to be satisfied with His love. That's the routine I want to have everyday.