Christmas mourn

I ushered in Christmas trying to hold back tears. I didn't know grief can be strongly felt during a season of joy. My heart is grateful for that feeling of togetherness, the good food, gifts, stories and laughter exchanged—yet my heart is also breaking—because this is the first one we will celebrate without the only grandfather I grew up with. I wonder if God also felt grief when He had to let go of His Son for our undeserving sake. I wonder if Jesus mourned the loss of a glorious throne in heaven when He came down to be born in a manger. I wonder if the reason why God is close to the brokenhearted is because He knows what loss feels like. There are a lot of things that I don't know... But one thing we can hold on to is the truth that it didn't end in death—Jesus overcame the grave. There was glory waiting for Him after all the agony of the cross. I don't know if I'll ever get used to Amapo's absence during special days with our family, but I know I'll see him again one day. I'm not sure when mourning will end, but I know that if we keep pressing on, mourning will eventually turn into merry.